So I found this poster on Etsy today and thought "oh my gosh this is totally me!" As we speak I'm sitting down to write about my latest yoga experience and am drinking a hot cup of tea. I love both. They are two of my favorite things!
How are you doing on your yoga adventure? Did you find any favorite poses? I did a back bend today. No joke. I was watching the video and the gal start explaining the next pose and I thought "what is she doing? Why is her head on the ground?" Then she lifted her body and I was like "oh, it's a back bend. I get it. I haven't done that since elementary school, but whatever. No biggie. I'll give it a shot." And I did. My son thought it was pretty cool too. It only lasted for a few seconds because my arms were shaking and I thought I was going to fall on my head, but I did it. It definitely stretched lots of new muscles. I don't know how it looked, but I was pretty proud. This Mom's still got it! Today's video was a continuation of the previous series: Day 3: Hatha Yoga For Happiness: Getting Rid of Clutter with Fightmaster Yoga Let's talk about the Before, During, and After! Before: I was tired this morning, let me tell you. I think I slept last night, but I woke up still feeling tired. My body felt good though. I could tell that I worked out my back muscles yesterday, but that made me excited because it meant I was strengthening those muscles. It didn't hurt, but I could feel it. I knew that today was another busy day away from the house so I needed to get started early. I was not ready to exercise first thing. I would have been happy just laying in corpse pose for 30 minutes, but that would defeat the purpose of this whole 30 day activity. During: We worked on some very interesting standing poses and breathing techniques at the beginning of the video. By the third rep I was ready to switch to something new, but I continued on. By 23 minutes in I was super tired and thought about taking a break, but thankfully we switched to sitting poses which was great. We began working on abs and I quickly realized that I have no ab strength. I wasn't really surprised since I have quite the hug-able middle at the moment and enjoyed working on my most troublesome area. The instructor talked about "Clearing Away the Clutter" today. It's a great thought and definitely needs to be done around here, but it is not something that I can tackle in one day. Food for thought. After: I was glad I made it through the whole video today. I was not really wanting to jump into exercising this morning and because I was tired the video itself was a little harder. But, I did a back bend and I didn't stop. I was stretched, strengthened, and standing up taller at the end of the video and felt that way the rest of the day. Knowing that I am taking steps to take care of myself makes me feel good all day long. I was feeling empowered and the positive energy carried on throughout the day. I even finished a project I was working on. Accomplishment, how great does that make you feel? I even ran into someone I hadn't seen in a while while I was out. I was self conscious at first because my body has changed so much since I started taking the Biologics in September, but then I caught myself. I smiled and engaged politely. This person doesn't know my story. They don't know my struggle and if they judge me, well that is just too bad. I know that I am working on being my healthiest, strongest, and best self. It started off with morning Yoga. It's raining here today and is supposed to rain for the next 5 days. It makes me wonder how my joints will do and how my attitude will fair. I like the rain, but I find I am much happier when the sun is out. Sometimes the rain makes me sad, so we will see. I hope it is sunshiny where you are at today and your heart is filled with cheer. Good luck on your yoga session. Let me know how it goes! Talk to you tomorrow!
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Welcome to Day 2 of 30! Today felt a little crazier than yesterday. There was a lot of stop and go and people needing Mommy's attention, but I guess that is what happens some times...or all the time. Mom life!
Today's video was Day 2 of Hatha Yoga For Happiness: Gratitude with Fightmaster Yoga. The focus of today was generating energy. Before: Before the video I was discouraged a bit by the number I saw on the scale this morning. I'm focusing really hard this week on not cheating on my sugar intake or dangerous foods and I'm exercising every day, so I guess I was hoping for better results. But lets be real, it's only day 2. This will take time, and as long as I'm on Prednisone, that scale may not move or it may move in the direction I don't want it to go. If I didn't have a wedding that I was participating in next month I wouldn't be so worried...I don't think. I guess this is where it gets hard and you have to give yourself some grace. What is my focus? My focus is not the scale. My focus is doing 30 days of yoga and eating well to heal my body. Hopefully my body image will also improve during this time. So what am I going to do about it? I am going to keep going and take it one day at a time. I am 2 for 2. That's awesome! During: I mentioned before that there was a lot of stop and go during today's session. The dog opened the front door and walked on my yoga mat with muddy paws, so that was fun. I had to stop to clean up that slippery mess. Plus my little guy was very curious about what Mommy was doing today and ended up with his own yoga mat and stretches beside me. That part was fun. Some of the poses today were new to me. They required balance and focus because you had to use opposite parts of your body. I could tell this was new to my body and was shaking like a leaf. You know the song "weebles wooble but they don't fall down?" Yeah that was me. It felt great to use new muscles though. I really had to focus on breathing and balancing so I didn't hurt myself or fall down. I think the best part was when we were "clearing our minds" during corpse pose, my son thought it was a great time to zoober on my biceps. My mind wasn't cleared, but I sure was laughing. Happiness 101....laugh! After: Oh I'm tired. I feel a little shaky due to the use of new muscles, but that makes me excited too. I like the thought of strengthening different muscles every day. I would like to do a session by myself, in a quiet room, but I don't know if that is going to happen unless I wake up earlier than the boys and they wake up early enough. I do love doing yoga first thing in the morning though because I feel like I still have time to start the day and I don't feel rushed. My dog is telling me he has to go outside, so off we go. The day has begun! I hope you have a great day today. Let me know how your session goes. What did you like about it? What didn't you like about it? How do you feel afterwards? Do you feel like you can take on the world? I do! See you tomorrow! Gosh it was a beautiful morning this morning. The air was crisp and clean and the sun was shining. It is wasn't even 9:00am before my child was itching to be outside. It seemed like everyone in the house was up and moving early: my husband, my son, the kittens, the dog....even the chickens. So by 9:01am we were all outside still in our pajamas. I didn't mind though. I have no problem soaking up the sun. It makes every part of me happy.
I find that having a chronic illness messes with me a bit. It messes with my body, it messes with my mind, and it messes with everyday activities. I find it quite frustrating really, so for the next 30 days I am going to focus on strengthening and healing both my mind and my body through yoga. I'd love for you to do this with me. I will write about each day's experience: how I felt before, during, and after, and together we can chart our progress. "Why yoga" you may ask? Because yoga has been proven to help with depression, anxiety, mindfulness, and stress relief. It helps you gain muscle strength, endurance, flexibility, balance, and blood flow. Research it. The list goes on and on. So today we begin day 1. I'm choosing a Hatha yoga routine. According to The Yoga Journal, Hatha yoga practices are "designed to align and calm you body, mind, and spirit." It does this through the holding of physical postures and breathing. It is a slower paced yoga, but it is not to be taken lightly. It is hard to hold proper posture for extended periods of time. Power yoga, for example, is a Hatha yoga practice and we all know that is tough. Not convinced yet? Well can you hold steady in the proper plank position for longer than 30 seconds while remembering to breathe and calm your mind? If you can't today you will be able to in 30 days. This morning I did a routine called "Hatha Yoga For Happiness: Gratitude with Flightmaster Yoga." It is a 35 minute program. Flightmaster Yoga has their own Yoga channel with many different options. This specific segment is their 30 days of happiness program. Sounds like a great option to me. Who doesn't need a little happiness in their life? Plus it's free and the gal is great. So let's talk about how it went: The Before, During, and Afterwards The Before: So not awake and ready for this. I woke up feeling super tight and my muscles were sore, and if I'm completely honest I wasn't ready to wake up with the sun like the rest of my family so I was a little Oscarish...you know like the grouch. At the same time I knew that today was day 1 so I was excited to get started. I also was having anxiety about an upcoming meeting and my mile long to do list. Not the best way to start the day. The During: No one needs a moose breathing in your ear as you are trying maintain focus or kittens between your legs. So, once I put the kittens and the dog outside and set my little guy up with some Blaze cartoons I was good to go. First impression: kind of hard. I was shocked by how hard it was to hold some of the poses and I found out I'm not as flexible in my upper body as I thought. I was sweating by 18 minutes in and had to take off my sweatshirt. But how did it feel? Great! Seriously great! The After: My body felt so good! I felt much looser and had much better posture than when I started. I felt like I had a happy heart and a happy mind. I had less anxiety and felt ready to start the day. I felt good about myself and was proud that I worked out this morning and consciously made better food choices through out the day. I'm excited about tomorrow! Okay. Now it's your turn! Let me know how it goes! I'm excited for you to start! Crock Pot Chicken Pho *Usually I toast the spices and char the onion and ginger and add them to the crock pot with the bone broth in the morning and by the time evening rolls around there is a lovely broth waiting for us. This can also be done on the stove top. I would suggest simmering the broth for 1 to 2 hours before serving. The longer you cook the broth, the stronger the flavors will be. Ingredients For Broth: 10-12 cups Chicken Bone Broth or Chicken Broth 1 Whole Yellow Onion 1 oz Fresh Ginger (Peeled) 1-1.5 Cinnamon Sticks 1 Tbsp Coriander ½ tsp Whole Black Peppercorns 2 Star Anise Ingredients To Be Added To Broth: 2 cups Shredded Chicken (Cooked) Rice Noodles Ingredients To Be Added Table-side: Bean Spouts 1 Bunch Fresh Basil 1 Bunch Fresh Cilantro Sliced Green Onion Sliced Yellow Onion **Sriracha Sauce, Hoisin Sauce and Sliced Jalapenos may also be added, but because I am Gluten Free and am focusing on anti-inflammatory properties not heat, I myself omit these items. Directions: Toast Cinnamon Sticks, Coriander, Star Anise, and Peppercorns on a dry skillet to release oils. Add to Crock Pot. Char Onion and Ginger either on the stove top or broil in the oven. Add to Crock Pot along with the Chicken Bone Broth and set on low setting for 4 to 6 hours. A half hour prior to serving, remove Onion, Ginger, Cinnamon Sticks, Coriander, Star Anise and Peppercorns from broth. Transfer Broth to a large pot. Add Shredded Chicken and Rice Noodles. Bring to a boil. Remove from heat and let sit until the Noodles are tender. (I do it this way because it is easier for my son and me to eat when both the chicken and the noodles are tender. This is not the traditional way to eat Pho.) When serving, remove Noodles by twisting with tongs and place in individual serving bowls. This is done based on each person’s individual serving size. Place the Chicken on top of noodles in each bowl and cover with Broth. The Bean Sprouts, Fresh Basil, Fresh Cilantro, Sliced Green Onions, Sliced Yellow Onions, and Sauces are garnishes. Each individual may add as much or as little as they like table-side. Yum! I can't even tell you how good this smells! I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as my family does! Thank you for letting me share this with you! When you have an Inflammatory Bowel Disease, the sad truth is that you end up missing a lot of things. I have missed so many birthday parties, baby showers, social invitations...I've even missed church these last few Sundays, but today was a day that I could not miss. Today my soon to be Sister-In-Law was shopping for a wedding dress and I could not miss it.
I honestly didn't know how I was going to make it. I felt absolutely terrible when I got up this morning. I was still suffering from the side effects of the Methotrexate that I took on Friday and I was afraid to leave the bathroom. I knew today was an i credibly important day and that I had to muster through it. I did too for the most part. Only one moment was really touch and go and that was after a blood draw. The world started to spin and I lost almost all control of my body. Thankfully I was able to keep my wits about me and not pass out. A jar of Naked Juice helped perk me up and soon we were on our way to our dress adventure. Three hours later we have a very happy soon to be bride and dresses for all the ladies in the bridal party. It was such a great afternoon and I am very thankful that I didn't miss it. The end of the day leaves me completely exhausted. I am so glad that I put dinner in the crock pot before I left because even though my body is too tired to eat, my boys will have dinner ready for them tonight. I say my body is too tired because that is honestly how it feel. My muscles are so fatigued that standing or holding my arms up is hard. The thought of feeding myself of digesting foos is just too tiring. Its sad, but it's true. So instead i am curled up in my comfy blanket and drinking a cup of tea. Sometimes after a hard week of body aches, joint pain, and incredible fatigue I find myself feeling easily discouraged. I caught myself singing the blues more than once today and felt that I needed to turn things around. Instead of burying myself under all of the things that I couldn't do, I chose to remind myself of all the things that
With a blink of an eye, it seems, the Holidays are here. I used to love the Holidays. Seeing family, eating good food, watching the faces of the ones you love as they open the perfect gift. This year seems to be different. I’m finding the Holidays particularly difficult. Our family is a bit displaced again this year and I’m feeling the worst I’ve felt ever. The thought of travel and foods that are not my “safe foods” make me nervous and not want to go. I found myself searching for the joy as I pulled down my long driveway after picking my son up from Preschool. I couldn’t seem to get out of the funk.
His sweet-self fell asleep on the way home so I came to home to a quiet house. I made myself a cup of tea, one of my favorite things, and thought “how am I going to do this upcoming Holiday?" I turned around and stared at my cookbooks and one just stuck out. Literally, it was out of place and caught my eye. It was my late Grandmother’s orange “Betty Crocker's Cookbook.” It’s funny, I can’t eat a single thing out of it, yet as soon as I pulled it out and opened it up I felt instantly at peace, like she was saying “here honey, this is how you will do Thanksgiving.” I turned to the pie section and was instantly filled with love. I saw signs of her everywhere. I quietly read through each recipe and could easily pick out her favorites. They were the recipes where the pages were torn a bit from the binding and the oil had turned the pages yellow. I had to be careful because some pages were stuck together from leftover pie dough. I was searching for her pumpkin pie. I felt panicked for a second because the quantities of pureed pumpkin and evaporated milk were missing, but I caught my breath once I realized that they were there under little pieces of paper that belonged to the page before. Once I carefully revealed the complete ingredient list I was at peace once again. Yes, through pumpkin pie is how I will find the joy of this Thanksgiving. My dear friend and her kiddos are coming over on Wednesday and I am going to teach them how to make pumpkin puree and then we will make pies together. This may be a new tradition, Holiday pie making. I hope it is because time with the people you love is always something to be thankful for. As we near the upcoming Holiday, I wish you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you too have the most wonderful day! Love, Danielle We've made it a month. Since I wrote you last, I have have had 4 weekly injections of Methotrexate and I have completed two starter doses of Humira. Life has gotten back into the swing of things and we are starting to settle down into the new routine. This last month I have learned that my body does not like Methotrexate. In fact, it made me so sick that my Doctor, my Pharmacist (yes, I have my own through my IBD Clinic and feel very fortunate) and I opted to cut the dose in half. This made a huge difference. Instead of being sick 7 days a week, I am only sick for 3 days a week - 4 days if it is a Humira week, and with the help of Zofran for nausea, it is totally do-able. I don't feel very good, but I can manage! I even made it to my son's soccer game last week. That's a big deal!
Besides the fact that the Humira injections feel like a giant bee sting, I definitely prefer those over the Methotrexate. I'm excited though. My Doctor thinks that I will notice a huge difference in how I feel in 6 to 8 weeks after the initial Humira dose. That mean I should be feeling better by Christmas and maybe like a champ by my birthday, which is in January. Hopefully in 6 months I will be able to reach remission and get off of the Methotrexate. Let me tell you, that will be a great day! One thing that I am having a really hard time with is my body image. When you have Crohn's Disease your body fluctuates. You lose weight and gain weight quickly depending on what stage your disease is in, if you are in active flare, and what medication(s) your are on. It's very rude. I learned the hard way that you should keep different sizes of clothing on hand because you will change so much. Squeezing into a tight pair of jeans when you are bloated and have abdominal pain is about the worst thing ever. I was so discouraged this morning when I hopped onto the scale. I am the heaviest I have been in 3 years. I could feel my body changing again so I've been really trying to incorporate more fruits, vegetables, and lean meats into my diet. I even researched a meal plan that provides the proper number of servings and serving sizes for the calories that I need. I found that I have a very hard time eating everything. It is especially true on my rest and recovery days. I feel so sick on those days that all I want to eat is my "All-In-One" vegetarian protein shakes and rice cakes with peanut butter and honey. I'm always secretly afraid of what people will think of my weight changes and am often embarrassed. I don't want them to think that I am lazy or that I just don't care. I'm not lazy and I don't eat junk. I do like sugar, but I am super conscientious of what I feed my body. I haven't eaten a pastry or a piece of bread in 3 years. I don't even remember what toast tastes like. My sweet husband noticed my distress this morning and kindly reminded me that this is the disease and once we figure things out it will be different. Of course my discouraged self said "we've been trying to figure it out for two years." To which he replied "yes. And we may have to figure it out for two more years, but that is okay. I still love you." He is right. My goal is not the number on the scale. My goal is to feel healthy again, to feel strong, and to be able to walk more than a mile - which even now is proving to be difficult. We'll get there, even it if it is one moment at a time. Being a person who has to have goals, the Take Strides Walk for Crohn's Disease and Ulcerative Colitis is taking place in Seattle Sunday June 11th. My goal is to walk the 3+ miles this year. I am doing this walk, even if I have to finish in a wheelchair. Would you like to do it with me? I'd love to have you on my team! Just let me know! Time has flown by this morning and I see we have almost reached the afternoon. I have a load of laundry that needs folding and I am going to attempt to clean the floors. Wish me luck! Talk to you soon! Much Love, Danielle Well we did it! We made it through the first week of Methotrexate Injections, and let me tell you, they are not for the faint at heart. They are a mean beast. I’m not going to lie and tell you that I wasn’t scared to start this treatment. I mean I’m injecting myself with small doses of chemotherapy; okay well technically my husband is injecting me with the chemotherapy, but still who wants to do that? Just the word chemotherapy itself is scary. Plus, if you do any research on the drug like I did beforehand, you’ll find pages upon pages of warnings and side effects. Awesome! Not to mention that it is a real needle, not an injector pen, but an actual needle and you have to draw up your own dose of medicine directly out of the vile. Don’t drop it and don’t mess up. I may have cried…twice. But in all honesty, once you get past the needle business, the shot itself isn’t that bad. This is the one time in my life that I am thankful for the extra adipose (fat) tissue I carry around my middle. I may not look fantastic in a bathing suit, but it saved my ass...literally. Apparently, getting a shot in the bum was an option, but it stings more without the extra padding. Expose belly here…
Now the evening of and next few days after the shot, well, those pretty much suck. The side effects vary by dose, but I felt as though I had the worst case of the flu ever. (I have a new found respect for my husband, let me tell you! His chemotherapy treatments were way worse than mine!) I fought waves of nausea, body aches, and had no energy to do anything. I was hungry at times, but I didn’t really want to eat anything because I felt so nauseous and everything tasted funny because the medicine gives you a metallic taste in your mouth. Even water tasted funny. I basically lived on the couch for two days. I tried to be Superwoman and went grocery shopping on day two, and boy was that rough. Thank God I didn’t run into anybody I knew. Day three was a little better. I still felt nauseous at times throughout the day, but my energy was coming back. By the afternoon of day four, I felt amazing! No joke, it was the best I felt in a long time. I don’t know if it was because I felt so bad earlier in the week that this day felt so good, but I don’t care, I’ll take it. Today is day five and I did 30 minutes of yoga and took a walk today. This afternoon I’m feeling tired, but I know it is because I over did it today. I was so just so excited. It gives me hope though; a peek at what life might actually be like when this is all over. I will have to continue taking the Methotrexate injections weekly for six months to a year. This Wednesday starts week two. Then the following Monday I will add a second Biologic Therapy. I will begin injections of Humira as well. Now I’ve heard the side effects from this drug aren’t as bad, but the shot is worse. It stings and I get four shots the first time. Yay! Bring on that belly! You may notice in the pictures that I posted, one includes my son. I did take him with me. He was fighting a cold and he ended up coming with us to my appointment. I think it was a good thing though. The staff at the University of Washington Digestive Disease Center is awesome. They calmed Mommy down and put my son at ease by giving him supplies to play doctor. He thought he was pretty cool and watching me get the shot helped him understand that Mommy is sick, but this medicine is going to make her feel better soon. He was not afraid and I don’t think that he will be afraid if he sees my husband giving me a shot later on. And even in the days after when I felt sick, he understood that it was because of the medicine and that Mommy would feel better soon. I am so thankful for the support I had this last week. My husband came with me during the appointment and helped me through the night, my best friend came and took care of me on my worst day, and my dad came over on day two. I even had people to look after my son. I do not take this help for granted because there was a time recently where I felt incredibly alone, like I had no support. It has taken a lot for me to learn to ask for help, and thankfully these wonderful people had patience with me and just continued to be there. This Disease is not an easy one, and you do not have to go through it alone. Allow those walls to come down and ask for help, because you are going to need it. And then one day when you are able, you will be able to help someone else. That’s my goal. People say everything happens for a reason and that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. Well, I don’t why I have this Disease, but I do put my faith in God. Something good will come out of this, even though I don’t know what it is yet. But there is always good. I hope you are having a great start to your week. I’ll be underground for a few days come Wednesday, but I will talk to you soon. Have a great day my friend! Love, Danielle To say that I’m struggling right now might be an understatement. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to live with Crohn’s Disease. It affects every aspect of my life and I feel like I am failing…at everything: parenting, being a good wife, being a friend, staying healthy…everything! I don’t have the energy to keep up with life, and it is so frustrating.
I’ve always been a goal oriented person. I set them and I reach them – period, but this disease I have no control over. I have no control over my body. I make a plan for the next day before I go to sleep and I wake up feeling so sick that I all I can do is snuggle on the couch with my son. Your son should only have 2 hours of TV time…please excuse me while I laugh…yeah I’m trying. It seems like almost every day he asks me “are you sick momma? You not feel good?” It breaks my heart, and every time I say “no baby. Momma doesn’t feel good. Let me rest a little and I will come and play with you.” Even now as I write this, tears are streaming down my face. “Are we going to see the ambulance today?” he asks. “Not today!” I say. At four years old he is way too familiar with firetrucks, ambulances, hospital rooms, and doctor’s offices. “I’m sorry you don’t feel good momma…” Insert sob here. Momma is sorry too. I want so baldy to feel healthy again, to feel strong, and to know that there will be more good days than bad days. I saw a picture today on Pinterest from Flamed-and-untamed.com of real life at home verses how the public perceives you. It’s so true. I feel like I’m living a double life because you can’t see this disease. When we head out of the house I’m dressed, I have make-up on, my hair is done, and for the most part I’m pretty put together. My little guy is pretty much put together and we are on a mission to tackle the day. At home is a different story. I’m a yoga pant, messy bun wearing, hot mess with probably a little smeared make-up to top it off. I try my best to keep up with everything: the housekeeping, laundry, cooking, the dog, the cat, the chickens, dinner, soccer practice, preschool, coordinating MOPS, but really I just want to rest. Most days nothing sounds better than my comfy bed and a movie. I’m a wife and a mom of an active 4 year old, I don’t have time to rest. I’m having a hard time accepting that this is my life. I don’t see myself as a sick person. I’m both excited and terrified of the new medications that they want me to take. Two different chemotherapy drugs at the same time, awesome! Methotrexate and Humira. I’m told it will make you feel sick, but it will also give you your life back. I’m shooting for let’s give you your life back! Yes! Let’s do it! The other frustrating part is that the insurance companies are dictating my care. I have been denied medication that is proven to work because it is too expensive. “Let’s have her try this medication first.” Ummmm, let’s not. Let’s go for the medication that we know will work. Why do I have to fail on others first? You’re messing with my life here, because you are too cheap. Nice! I hear my little guy causing havoc in the other room. I’m guessing by the sound of it he is trying to wrestle the dog for the dog bed. Fun, fun. We’ll see who’s winning….oooooo growling. I think the dog is winning, or maybe he’s just riding the dog? I’m not sure. Thanks for letting me get real with you on this Saturday afternoon. Sometimes it is helpful just to say it like it is. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. Let hope for a great day! Talk to you soon! Danielle |
AuthorHi there! Welcome to Grace In A Glass. My name is Danielle and I am so happy that you are visiting this site today. We all have something in life that we are working to overcome. I began blogging about my struggle with overcoming Esophageal Dysmotility and Crohn's Disease with the hope of reaching others with words of encouragement and hope. Thank you for letting me share my stories with you, and hope you have the most wonderful day! Archives
November 2022
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